


The Sharpness of Emotion

by DistantStorm



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Qui-Gon Jinn Lives, post Rako Hardeen arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25119529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DistantStorm/pseuds/DistantStorm
Summary: Anakin, someplace deep in his heart of hearts, wanted Obi-Wan to hurt. He wanted Obi-Wan to know his pain.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 11
Kudos: 134





	The Sharpness of Emotion

**Author's Note:**

> This was an unprompted tumblr ficlet that caught me unawares. It is also the first time I've ever written Anakin, feedback is welcome.

Anakin, someplace deep in his heart of hearts - the parts that still whispered  _ slave _ and  _ unwanted _ and  _ they don't trust you _ \- wanted Obi-Wan to hurt. He wanted Obi-Wan to know his pain, to feel that aching burn that was relief and grief so intense it threatened to rise from beneath his feet and swallow him whole for it's irrationality - because everything was fine. That time spent in the throes of suffering was for naught and yet here he remained, his soul ripped apart, heart bleeding. He deserved it for what he had done, for letting Anakin believe he was dead, he deserved to feel the way Anakin was feeling.

The Force had heard him, he realized. It was always listening. It had listened to that tucked-away part of him he did his best not to acknowledge. Was the lesson for Obi-Wan to learn, he wondered, or was the lesson really meant for him?

Because now, watching his master, seeing him curl inside himself mentally, seeing the way he could not possibly hide all of his feelings behind his usually impenetrable, glacial shields, Anakin wondered. Feelings more than grief and despair were dredged up: Obi-Wan flickered through  _ sadnessabandonmentlonlinessheartbreakworthlesness _ so fast and so potently that it nearly gave Anakin heart palpitations. It was as if someone had ripped the scab off a wound, revealing all that had been left to scar but never truly heal.

The sharpness of those negative emotions, all pointed inward, lancing through and through only made his master more beautiful. Obi-Wan was stronger for his suffering; A Master whose trials had really never ended. He accepted it about himself, Anakin realized. Accepted that he would never release those feelings, not completely, and instead of feeding it, he chose compassion. Serenity.

"Master Jinn," Obi-Wan said, greeting the Force's gift, a twisted version of Anakin's revenge, brought back to life. Qui-Gon had maybe given his former student mere seconds before turning his attention to Anakin, to his prophesied Chosen One, grown and knighted and bright. Despite the pain; The visceral, physical pain brought on by the onslaught of emotions Anakin had always attributed to himself, not his master, never his master, Obi-Wan still found the strength to smile.

He was happy to have Qui-Gon back. Alive. Happy that the Force intervened in what should be such a benevolent way. This was good, right? Somewhere in that jumble of mostly-concealed emotions that made up his master there must be happiness, right? They had been close, before. Before Anakin. Before Qui-Gon had cast off Obi-Wan for Anakin. Before Qui-Gon had died and with his last breath given Obi-Wan to Anakin.

Anakin had wanted this, he reminded himself. And he had. There was something for it, for wants. Often, when one got that which they wanted, they realized it wasn't at all what they'd wanted in the first place. Anakin had wanted Obi-Wan to understand.

But Obi-Wan already had. More than anyone.


End file.
